Perfect

Reflections on Shuffle-Play

Perfect

By Pink

I was so angry and I didn’t even know why. I was feeling jealous, competitive, spiteful, and impatient.  I didn’t want to feel any of those things, but there they were in all their ugliness. I wanted so much for that friendship to heal – why couldn’t all those other feelings catch up with that desire?

I knew it had little to do with her and everything to do with me. Yes, she had done something hurtful, but she had apologized and I had forgiven her, hadn’t I? Then, why did I still feel so utterly bad, mad, sad? Why couldn’t we get back to the way we were before?

Grown-up hurts remind us of childhood hurts…perhaps this is why we act like children when we get hurt. Being hurt by a friend brings up every insecurity, every bad feeling I’ve ever had about myself. While I put on my preacher face and tell my congregation to forgive one another and to speak kindly and work hard at loving each other, I pout like a petulant child when I feel I have been badly treated. I retreat into my shell where no one can hurt me. I tell myself I am over it, but I’m really not.  Finally, I resolve to keep the violator at arms’ length so that I can’t be treated badly again.

But this is the thing: Friendships can’t survive like that. Friendship is like a marriage in that you can’t have a close marriage if you have walls and boundaries up all over the place. There has to be trust. There has to be a letting down of the guard and the ability to be real. You have to let yourself be open to being hurt again or else everything remains shallow and surface – in marriage, in friendship.

I stopped letting myself be real with her when she hurt me. I didn’t want to, but I did. The fertile ground of our friendship may have been harmed by her initial neglect, but it was my own that kept the soil dry and parched. Nothing could grow there anymore.

Real friendship can’t be lukewarm or halfway. Real friendship sacrifices – it is patient and kind and humble. It trusts. It doesn’t keep a count of wrongs. And sometimes, friendship can be painful – but you keep working at it. Forgive the friend, forgive yourself, and trust that somehow God can heal what you can’t. With time, with patience, with prayer, God will heal it. Perhaps the ground just needs to lie fallow for a while, but trust that good things can grow again.

 

Perfect

Made a wrong turn, once or twice
Dug my way out, blood and fire
Bad decisions, that’s alright
Welcome to my silly life

Mistreated, misplaced, misunderstood
Miss knowing it’s all good, it didn’t slow me down
Mistaken, always second guessing, underestimated
Look, I’m still around

[Chorus]
Pretty pretty please, don’t you ever ever feel
Like you’re less than, less than perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel
Like you’re nothing, you are perfect to me

You’re so mean, when you talk
About yourself, you were wrong
Change the voices in your head
Make them like you instead

So complicated, look happy, you’ll make it!
Filled with so much hatred… such a tired game
It’s enough! I’ve done all I can think of
Chased down all my demons
I’ve seen you do the same, oh
Pretty pretty please, don’t you ever ever feel
Like you’re less than, less than perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel
Like you’re nothing, you are perfect to me

The whole world’s scared so I swallow the fear
The only thing I should be drinking is an ice cold beer
So cool in line, and we try try try
But we try too hard and it’s a waste of my time

Done looking for the critics, ’cause they’re everywhere
They don’t like my jeans, they don’t get my hair
Exchange ourselves, and we do it all the time
Why do we do that? Why do I do that?

Pretty pretty please, don’t you ever ever feel
Like you’re less than, less than perfect
Pretty pretty please, if you ever ever feel
Like you’re nothing, you are perfect to me, yeah

 

Raise Your Glass

Reflections on Shuffle-Play

Raise Your Glass

By Pink

I hardly ever drink alcohol anymore. This isn’t a religious decision – if you know anything about Lutherans, you know that we don’t mind drinking now and then. However, I have come to a point in life where I am able to clearly see how alcohol mostly just makes me sad and slow. When I do drink, I too easily have too much and then it messes with how much I eat and it is a downward spiral I don’t want or need.

I easily fall into addictions: food, cigarettes, alcohol – each of them have had their way with me at different times in life. I used cigarettes to eat less food. I used alcohol to numb my sadness about weight I had gained. I ate food because, well, I just loved food.  When I was a kid in a house with too much yelling and sadness, food was a quiet friend I could turn to. Food was always present, and I hoped it could fill up the empty spaces.

But it never did. Addictions never will. In forty-seven years I have learned this over and over and over again.

Right now I am at a relatively healthy place in life….I suppose that is why I can write about it openly. I have stepped far enough back from any addictions to really see them for what they are. Alcohol, cigarettes, and junk food each masquerade as happy, fun things, but they are so very sad. They pretend to be friends, but they are such fake friends. They promise fun and carefree – but what they deliver is muddled thoughts and diminished days.

I don’t say I will never have these things again – that would be pointless. Sometimes, I will and do indulge. Sometimes a glass of wine with my friends, or a cigarette alone on the church steps, or a bag of Doritos in front of the television will be just the perfect thing. But I have too many books I want to read and miles I want to run and thoughts I want to write about to set aside much time for these empty things anymore.

So, I raise my glass (of iced tea) and toast to experiencing these years in as healthy a way as I can. I raise my glass to the simple but lasting joys of living without the need for anesthetics, numbing. I raise my glass to wholeness, peace of mind, and experiencing the fullness of this good life. Here’s to temperance and tenacity. Cheers.

 

“Raise Your Glass”
Right, right, turn off the lights
We’re gonna lose our minds tonight
What’s the deal, yo?
I love when it’s all too much
5 a.m. turn the radio up
Where’s the rock ‘n roll?

Party crasher, panty snatcher
Call me up if you’re a gangsta
Don’t be fancy, just get dancy
Why so serious?

So raise your glass if you are wrong
In all the right ways, all my underdogs
We will never be, never be anything but loud
And nitty, gritty, dirty, little freaks
Won’t you come on and come on and
Raise your glass!
Just come on and come on and
Raise your glass!

Slam, slam, oh hot damn
What part of a party don’t you understand?
Wish you’d just freak out
Can’t stop, coming in hot
I should be locked up right on the spot
It’s so on right now

Party crasher, panty snatcher
Call me up if you’re a gangsta
Don’t be fancy, just get dancy
Why so serious?

So raise your glass if you are wrong
In all the right ways, all my underdogs
We will never be, never be anything but loud
And nitty, gritty, dirty, little freaks
Won’t you come on and come on and
Raise your glass!
Just come on and come on and
Raise your glass!
Won’t you come on and come on and
Raise your glass!
Just come on and come on and
Raise your glass!

So if you’re too school for cool
And you’re treated like a fool
You can choose to let it go
We can always, we can always party on our own

So raise your glass if you are wrong
In all the right ways, all my underdogs
We will never be, never be anything but loud
And nitty, gritty, dirty, little freaks
Won’t you come on and come on and
Raise your glass!
Just come on and come on and
Raise your glass!
Won’t you come on and come on and
Raise your glass for me!
Just come on and come on and
Raise your glass for me!
For me