Reflections on Shuffle-Play (where I write each day inspired by a song from that morning’s run)
I’m not at my
Shiny
Glittery
Most excellent
Very Best
State of Being
Today.
Not even close.
Pretty sure if I were to step
On the scale today
It would say
I weigh
One thousand pounds.
I don’t want to care about that
Yet, I do.
I care that I feel cumbersome
XXL
Taking up too much space
Uncomfortable.
Last week I felt great
And I did nothing differently
Than I have been doing this week
Yet I blame myself today
I must be living wrong
Eating wrong
Doing wrong
To feel so crummy right now.
Because why else would I feel so icky?
It must be my fault for feeling
ICKY
Icky is the word for it.
Bloated
Crabby
Pudgy
Icky.
A massive zit
A zit the size of a newborn
adorns my chin
It greets everyone before I do
When I walk in the room
At the age of forty-seven
My zit the size of a small village
is nestled in the midst of my wrinkles
Looking out of place
But determined.
I ran this morning – even faster than usual
But felt heavy with every step.
I have a cut on my thumb.
The small red pepper I was cutting up
To go in my eggs
Was tricky to cut.
My thumb was not.
It sliced and bled so easily.
And hurts like hell.
The band-aid is obtrusive and
Wants to type its’ own words.
Dear sweet baby Jesus
I hate all my clothes –
They are unflattering and
I blame them for
Being so…
Plain
Ill-fitting
Dark
Hot
Itchy
Blah.
And my hair!
My hair is weird, dry, and flat.
And decidedly gray.
Not a shimmering silver.
Not arctic blond or nearly snow-white.
Just gray.
Cloudy, rainy day-gray.
When will I ever
Get it all together?
I’m drinking my water
I’m eating my vegetables
Getting plenty of sleep
Nary a drop of alcohol
But still.
This day, I feel
Hit by the ugly truck
That hit me once
Backed over me
And hit me again
And then parked on top of me.
Overnight.
Why oh why
Oh why oh
Why
Are some days
This way?
The only thing to do
Is take good care of me
And gently, softly say
“Tomorrow will be better.”
I remind myself that
looking good
And feeling good
Every day
Is not the rent I have to pay
For being a woman in this world.
Some days you will feel like a rock star
Some days you will feel like crap
But every day, you are valuable.
Every day, you are worthy
Of love
Of nourishment
Of joy
Of being treated well.
On the days you feel less
Than your most excellent, perfect,
Shiny, shimmering self
Remember to be extra kind
To yourself.
Some days
Are just this way.
Be kind to you.
Maybe ask yourself what you need
Right now.
A nap?
To be quiet with a good book?
To go for a walk?
A movie?
Whatever it is –
Be sure you are looking for ways
To bless yourself
And not punish yourself.
Punishment is never the way
To treat someone when they are feeling down.
Love
Nurturing
Sweet words
Gentleness –
Give yourself these things
You deserve them.
Especially on days like this.
Be your own best friend.
You’re My Best Friend
By Queen
Ooh, you make me live
Whatever this world can give to me
It’s you, you’re all I see
Ooh, you make me live now honey
Ooh, you make me live
You’re the best friend
That I ever had
I’ve been with you such a long time
You’re my sunshine
And I want you to know
That my feelings are true
I really love you
You’re my best friend
Ooh, you make me live
I’ve been wandering round
But I still come back to you
In rain or shine
You’ve stood by me girl
I’m happy at home (happy at home)
You’re my best friend.
Ooh, you make me live
Whenever this world is cruel to me
I got you to help me forgive
Ooh, you make me live now honey
Ooh, you make me live
You’re the first one
When things turn out bad
You know I’ll never be lonely
You’re my only one
And I love the things
I really love the things that you do
You’re my best friend
Ooh, you make me live.
I’m happy, happy at home
You’re my best friend
You’re my best friend
Ooh, you make me live
You, you’re my best friend
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