ConseCrate

Reflections on Shuffle-Play

My Song – by Brandi Carlile

When I haven’t written for a week or two, I can tell that something is “off” for me. My thoughts get too bottled up and crowded in my brain. The simple practice of writing each day is medicinal for me – it eases something in my heart and mind.

So most days, I write. It brings me pure and simple joy and release. The trickier part is sharing what I write.  Sharing my writing feels like something I ‘ought’ to do – but as soon as I think of the eyes of others reading my words, I begin to mold and fashion the words into something I think others might like instead of letting them just be my own unique creation. When I change my creation to suit others, I begin to hate it. The process of writing becomes work.

Writing takes bravery: once it’s out there you come face to face with the truth that it’s quite likely many won’t want to read it anyway, or they might read it just to be kind or skim it out of curiosity, or perhaps they will make some comment that shows they really didn’t get it or even disagree heartily with it. This is true with any writing – even that which you have gone over with a fine-tooth comb to make it as palatable to the masses as possible.

However, to share your own honest writing, your great truth-telling and sentences just as you like them shaped, thoughts expressed just as you want to express them – not thinking about how your mom or your friends or your congregation might want you to express them – that takes the utmost courage. It takes courage because you are trusting that your own unvarnished insights and opinions matter and have worth all on their own – even if not a single soul likes it or comments on it. Trusting that the unique creativity that God gave you is beautiful just because it exists, not because it needs to be molded or shaped into something marketable or profitable is the spark that lights fireworks in the soul.

What would you say if you didn’t feel you had to bite your tongue? What would you write if you weren’t so worried about what others would think? Perhaps those words, spoken or written, are exactly what your family, your community, your world are needing to hear and see.  Why else did God give them to you?

“My Song”
by Brandi Carlile

Everything I do
Surrounds these pieces of my life
That often change
Or hey, maybe I’ve changed

Sometimes seeming happy
Can be self-destructive
Even when you’re sane
Yeah you’re only insane

But don’t bother waking me today

Here I am
I’m so young
I know I’ve been bitter
I’ve been jaded
I’m alone
Everyday, I bite my tongue
If you only knew
My mind was full of razors
To cut you like a
Word if only sung

But this is my song
This is my song

I live everyday
Like they’ll never be a last one
Till they’re gone
And they’re gone
I’m not too proud to beg for
Your attention and your friendship
And your time
So you could come and get it from now on

Here I am
I’m so young
I know I’ve been bitter
I’ve been jaded
I’m alone
Everyday, I bite my tongue
If you only knew
My mind was full of razors
To cut you like a
Word if only sung

This is my song
This is my song

And it’s you
It is you

Here I am
I’m so young
I know I’ve been bitter
I’ve been jaded
I’m alone
Everyday, I bite my tongue
If you only knew
My mind was full of razors
I’m not sure I can take it
I’ve nothing strong to hold to
I’m way too old to hate you
My mind is full of razors
To cut you like a
Word if only sung

But this is my song