ConseCrate

I haven’t overcome Fear.

But I have befriended her.

Not right away.

Not for a long, long time.

First, I tried to hush her

Hide her

Hustle her out of the room

Ignore her

Weep over her

Pretend she didn’t exist.

But then

She stayed anyway

            Winding her cool fingers through my hair

            Crushing me in her arms so tight, too tight…

            Whispering into my breath, “listen to me, listen to me, listen to me…”

                        She was everywhere. All the time.

            Reading over my shoulder at the altar

            Squeezing into the pulpit right next to me

                        I couldn’t even see the congregation anymore

                        She covered me, claimed me, marked me as her own.

                        While I smiled my smile and worked so hard to wish and pray her away.

 

            Then, one day

            I wondered what might happen if

I looked her in the eye.

My companion for so long.

What might happen

If?

            So I put my arm around her shoulder

            And said, “honey, It’s okay.

I said,

            “I see you.”

I said,

“Let’s do this together, then.”

She didn’t look so scary.

In fact, she looked just like me….

and Fear smiled a small smile and seems okay with that now

                        To quietly stick beside me.

                        To accompany me here and there.

            She doesn’t pull so hard at my shoulders and neck

            When I pay attention to her.

            Notice her.

            Admit she is

            Part of me…

            But not the boss of me.