Looking for Green Places

Looking for green places
But they are not here yet
Just brown and brown,
grey and brown
The cold lingers a bit longer
Spring is shy.

I was tired today
Walking felt like a chore.
I walked and felt underwater with each step.
Everything was hard –
Cleaning – a chore
Writing – a chore
Being awake – a chore;

So I scaled everything back and practiced being quiet
My kids and I
Watched movies
Ate Chinese food
and talked
occasionally glancing out at the
brown grass, brown trees, grey March day.

There was so much I needed to do
but really
I needed to sit
and listen
for You.
Sometimes You seem so quiet…
or am I just being too loud?
All I know is that my spirit gets dry as dust
my bones all wither-y
and then
it is time to stop.
Stop and listen.
Stop and pray.
Stop and be.
Stop and look out the window
at the brown and grey,
wonder out loud,
sigh.

Oh – maybe someday I will be wise enough
to do this before my spirit feels parched.
Someday I will pretty much enlightened
Pretty much.
But not today.
Today I was tired
So I rested.
and I trust in the healing sleep will bring
and in the One who placed the stars in the sky
and in all that might yet be possible tomorrow.


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